幽默故事精选VIP专享VIP免费

SelectivecollectionofhumorousstoriesJerryburns,ChibiNoIMiddleSchoolJuly2014•1.OnourwaytoaweddinginVermont,myhusbandandIrealizedwehadforgottenourcamera.Westoppedatageneralstoreand,hopingtobuyacheap,disposable(一次性的)model.Salaskedtheowner,"Doyouhaveanyofthosethrowaway(=disposable)cameras?"•“Look,fella(=fellow),"repliedtheowner,"Idon'tcarehowyoudealwithitafteryoubuyit."•2.Sellingsecondhandbooksatourchurchshops,Igotintoanargumentwithapossiblecustomer.Hewasinterestedinbuying“ThePocketBookofOgdenNash”,butsaiditwasoverpricedat35cents.Otherpaperbacksweresellingfortenor15centseach.•Ipointedoutthatthebookwasingoodcondition.Nashwasafunpoet(诗人),anditwasforagoodreason.Hesaiditwasamatterofprinciple(原则).Finally,Iagreedtosellhimthebookfor15cents.Excited,hepaidwitha$10bill."Keepthechange,"hesaid.•3.Fourfriendswerearguingoverwhosedogwasthesmartest.Thefirstman,anengineer,calledtohisdog,"TSquare,showyourthing."Thedogwalkedovertoadesk,pulledoutapaperandpencil,anddrewaperfecttriangle(三角形).•Thenextguy,anaccountant(会计),calledtohisdog,"SlideRule,goahead."Thedogwenttothekitchen,bitopenedabagofcookiesanddividedthecontentsintofourequalpiles.•Thenextman,achemist,askedhisdog,Beaker,toshowwhathecoulddo.Thedogwenttothefridge,tookoutaquart(夸脱)ofmilkandpouredoutexactlyeightyounces(盎司)intoameasuringcup.•Thelastmanwasagovernmentworker.“CoffeeBreak,”hecalledhisdog,“gotoit.”Withthat,thedogjumpedtohisfeet,soiled(弄脏)thepaper,atethecookiesanddrankthemilk.•4.Threefamoussurgeonswerebragging(吹嘘)abouttheirskills."Amancametomewhohadhishandcutoff,"saidone."Todaythatmanisaconcertviolinist."•"That'snothing,"saidanother."Aguycametomewhohadhislegscutoff.Istitchedthembackon,andtodaythatmanisamarathon(马拉松)runner."•"Icantopbothofyou,"saidthethird."OnedayIcameonthesceneofaterribleaccident.Therewasnothingleftbutahorse'sposterior(屁股)andapairofglasses.TodaythatmanisseatedinUnitedStatesSenate(参议院)."•5.Itwasatafiveo’clocktea.Ayoungmancametothehostesstoapologizeforhislateness.•“Sogoodofyoutocome,Mr.Jones,andwhereisyourbrother?”•“Youseewe'reverybusyintheofficeandonlyoneofuscouldcome,sowetossed(掷钱币决定)upforit.”•“Hownice!Andsooriginal,too!Andyouwon?”•“No,”saidtheyoungmanabsently(心不在焉地),“Ilost.”•6.Awealthywomanissoproudofavaluableantiquevase(花瓶)thatshedecidestohaveherbedroompaintedthesamecolorasthevase.Severalpainterstrytomatchtheshade,butnonecomescloseenoughtosatisfythewoman.•Eventually,apainterapproacheswhoisconfidenthecanmixthepropercolor.Thewomanispleasedwiththeresult,andthepainterbecomesfamous.•Yearslater,heretiresandturnsthebusinessovertohisson."Dad,"saystheson,"there'ssomethingI'vegottoknow.Howdidyougetthosewallstomatchthevasesoperfectly?"•"Son,"thefatherreplies,"Ipaintedthevase."•7.Seriouslyill,amanwenttothedoctorwithhiswife.Aftertheexaminationthephysicianmotionedforthewifetomeethiminthehallway.•"Yourhusbandisverysick,"thedoctorsaid,"buttherearethreethingsyoucandotoensurehissurvival.First,fixhimthreehealthful,deliciousmealsaday.Next,givehimastress-freeenvironment,anddon'tcomplainaboutanything.Finally,makepassionatelovetohimeveryday.•Onthedrivehomethehusbandasked,"Whatdidthedoctorsay?"•"I'msorry,"shesaid,"butyou'renotgoingtomakeit.•8.Afriendofminehadbeenwantingnewkitchencabinets(储藏柜)foralongtime,butherhusbandinsistedtheywereanextravagance(奢侈...