《孔雀东南飞》(英文搞笑话剧)——金科Wanderseveryfivemiles焦仲卿 Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)焦母 Johnny'smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch'smother(LMforshort)太守之子 Mayor'sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)Prologue(J 作被打状跑上台，内砸出一卷纸筒,J 被打中,狼狈不堪)J:EverybodysaysthatI'mhenpecked,butinfact,I'masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemywifeisWuSong.(指着上台处的门大声道)I'mnotafraidofyou!(内砸出一脸盆,J 接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I'mafraidofwhom?MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetenderthanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!Asyousee,peoplelivearoundhereallsaidthatIamnotaman.Yes,Iamnotaman,Iamahandsomeman・（手撩头发做臭美状）（内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中 J）MyGod!Whocanhelpme?（下）Act1（序幕结束时,JM 作窃听状）JM（拄拐棍上）:1can!（对门内）Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?L（扎着围裙，拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来）:I'mhere!What'supmum?JM:I'vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law”.L:OK・Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what'sup?（口气很不情愿）JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,solazyL:ButJM:Neverinterruptme!L:Neverinterruptme!（手势）SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny（语气重点头）,Ihavebeenworkinghardalldaylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraised（掰手扌旨头数）tensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchickenandJM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!L（生气地挥动着锅铲）:Oh,youwantagrandson,don'tyou?（开始解围裙）Goandaskyourson.I'mleaving!（扯下围裙，扔在 JM 的脸上,下）Act2（LM 坐在台上打毛线,L 拿着锅铲上）L:Mum,I'mback!LM:（惊讶睁大眼）Youareback?Why?Whathappened?L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law・（怨愤抱拳在胸前）LM（惊讶，但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情）:See!（手指向兰芝）Ihavealreadytoldyou!（咳嗽两声）WhenyouinsistedonmarryingthatterribleJohnny,（咳）Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor，butyoudidnotlistentome...
