一个对青春期孩子的父母的指南You'velivedthrough2AMfeedings,toddlertempertantrums,andthebut-I-don't-want-to-go-to-school-todayblues.Sowhyistheword"teenager"causingyousomuchanxiety?Whenyouconsiderthattheteenyearsareaperiodofintensegrowth,notonlyphysicallybutmorallyandintellectually,it'sunderstandablethatit'satimeofconfusionandupheavalformanyfamilies.Despitesomeadults'negativeperceptionsaboutteens,theyareoftenenergetic,thoughtful,andidealistic,withadeepinterestinwhat'sfairandright.So,althoughitcanbeaperiodofconflictbetweenparentandchild,theteenyearsarealsoatimetohelpchildrengrowintothedistinctindividualstheywillbecome.UnderstandingtheTeenYearsSowhen,exactly,doesadolescencestart?Themessagetosendyourkidis:Everybody'sdifferent.Thereareearlybloomers,latearrivals,speedydevelopers,andslow-but-steadygrowers.Inotherwords,there'sawiderangeofwhat'sconsiderednormal.Butit'simportanttomakea(somewhatartificial)distinctionbetweenpubertyandadolescence.Mostofusthinkofpubertyasthedevelopmentofadultsexualcharacteristics:breasts,menstrualperiods,pubichair,andfacialhair.Thesearecertainlythemostvisiblesignsofimpendingadulthood,butchildrenbetweentheagesof10and14(orevenyounger)canalsobegoingthroughabunchofchangesthataren'treadilyseenfromtheoutside.Thesearethechangesofadolescence.Manykidsannouncetheonsetofadolescencewithadramaticchangeinbehavioraroundtheirparents.They'restartingtoseparatefromMomandDadandtobecomemoreindependent.Atthesametime,kidsthisageareincreasinglyawareofhowothers,especiallytheirpeers,seethemandthey'redesperatelytryingtofitin.Kidsoftenstart"tryingon"differentlooksandidentities,andtheybecomeacutelyawareofhowtheydifferfromtheirpeers,whichcanresultinepisodesofdistressandconflictwithparents.ButtingHeadsOneofthecommonstereotypesofadolescenceistherebellious,wildteencontinuallyatoddswithMomandDad.Althoughthatextrememaybethecaseforsomekidsandthisisatimeofemotionalupsanddowns,thatstereotypecertainlyisnotrepresentativeofmostteens.Buttheprimarygoaloftheteenyearsistoachieveindependence.Forthistooccur,teenswillstartpullingawayfromtheirparents-especiallytheparentwhomthey'retheclosestto.Thiscancomeacrossasteensalwaysseemingtohavedifferentopinionsthantheirparentsornotwantingtobearoundtheirparentsinthesamewaytheyusedto.Asteensmature,theystarttothinkmoreabstractlyandrationally.They'reformingtheirmoralcode.Andparentsofteensmayfindthatkidswhopreviouslyhadbeenwillingtoconformtopleasethemwillsuddenlybeginassertingthemselves-andtheiropinions-stronglyandrebellingagainstparentalcontrol.Youmayneedtolookcloselyathowmuchroomyougiveyourteentobeanindividualandaskyourselfquestionssuchas:"AmIacontrollingparent?,""DoIlistentomychild?,"and"DoIallowmychild'sopinionsandtastestodifferfrommyown?"TipsforParentingDuringtheTeenYearsLookingforaroadmaptofindyourwaythroughtheseyears?Herearesometips:EducateYourselfReadbooksaboutteenagers.Thinkbackonyourownteenyears.Rememberyourstruggleswithacneoryourembarrassmentatdevelopingearly-orlate.Expectsomemoodchangesinyourtypicallysunnychild,andbepreparedformoreconflictasheorshefindshisorherwayasanindividual.Parentswhoknowwhat'scomingcancopewithitbetter.Andthemoreyouknow,thebetteryoucanprepareyourchild.TalktoYourChildEarlyEnoughTalkingaboutmenstruationorwetdreamsafterthey'vealreadystartedmeansyou'retoolate.Answertheearlyquestionsyourchildhasaboutbodies,suchasthedifferencesbetweenboy...
