大学英语四级作文范文讲评VIP免费

大学英语四级作文范文讲评作文题目：“WomenintheModernWorld”提纲：1.Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.____________2.Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.___________________3.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.___________________________例1．（2分段）Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Longage,womenonlydidsomethinginthekitchenorathome.Nowmanyofthemhaveseriousjobstoserveforpeople.Whatmencandosocanwomen.Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Todayinthefamily,thewifeoftenlotsherhusbandtodosomethingathomebatago,onlywomendidsomething.Menarefonedofdoingsomethingathome.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened.Inthefactorythewonmentoasmuchasthemen,buttheyarepaidlessthanthemen.Somepeoplehavenotcompletelyrealizedtheliberationofwomen.东方教育点评：条理不清，思路紊乱，大部分句子均有错误，有的甚至影响理解。具体问题剖析：(1)缺乏逻辑，东一句西一句，没有围绕中心论述，如第一段就没有展开论述妇女社会角色的转变，说得太笼统而缺乏说服力。（2）用汉语思维，句子有明显的汉语痕迹，如“Whatmencandosocanwomen.”，应改为“Womencandowhatmencando”。（3）衔接不自然，没有用适当的关联词，如“Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened”，应改为“Thecasethathusbandhitshiswifeoftenhappens.”（4）拼写错误很多，大部分句子均有错误。例2．（5分段）Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Intoday,manywomenhaveawork.Theyworkedaswellasmenplayinganimportantpartinfactories.Therearemanywomeningovernmentalso.Theyleadotherpeoplecountry,andmakeoutplans.Therearemanyscientistslso.Theyeventnewthingstoimproveourlife.Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Inancient,women’spositioninfamilyispity.Theyhadtolooksaftertheirchildren,dideveryhowhusbandorderedhertodo.Butnowitischanged.Theyareequaltoherhusband.Theyhavetherightofspeakingofidea,discussionthingwithherhusband,dowhatshewantstodo.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Wealsoshouldrealize,women’likertyarelimited.Forexample,manyfactorieswantmenbecomeitsworkersbutthechanceofwomenislessthanmen.Everyoneshoulddotheirbesttochangethiscondition.I’msure,theliberationofwomenwouldbeincreased.东方教育点评：基本切题。但表达思想不清楚，连贯性差。有较多的严重语言错误。具体问题剖析：（1）各段围绕中心句论述不深入，没有说服力。（2）衔接不自然，没有用适当的关联词，如第一段几个句子之间可以用一些“besides”、“ontheotherhand”、“furthermore”、“inaddition”等。（3）语言错误较多，很多句子不通顺，如“Intoday,manywomenhaveawork.”应改为“Today,manywomengetajob.”(滥用介词)；“Inancient,women’spositioninfamilyispity”中pity应改为pitiful（词形误用）；“Theyhadtolooksaftertheirchildren,dideveryhowhusbandorderedhertodo.”中every改为everything，how改为what（代词错误）；“Theyhavetherightofspeakingofidea,discussionthingwithherhusband,dowhatshewantstodo.”应改为“Theyhavetherighttoexpressideas,discussthingswiththeirrespectivehusband,anddowhattheywantto.”(人称代词前后不一致)。例3．（8分段）Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.ManyWomentodayareplayinganimportantpartatworksthatwasthoughtonlycouldbedonebytheme...