祖母的“少女时代”阁楼常常是个宝藏发掘地:旧照片、旧书信、旧日记,它们不经意而又长久地流传下来,给人带来一丝新鲜感,也唤起人的一种归属感。作者就是在搬家之时意外发现了祖母年轻时的日记。令人吃惊的是,这些古老的文字既不阴郁也不晦涩;相反,祖母笔触活泼,少女心迸发,直到最后作者泪流满面,不舍读完。我们总会想象自己年老时的样子,或许我们也真该用心去了解祖辈们年轻时的样子。GetFlashPlayerByDavidRees木沐选注Myparentsrecentlyfoundfivejournalsinoneofthoselistlesscardboardboxesthatleavesanatticonlywhensomebodydiesorthehouseissold.(Don'tworry,everyonesurvivedthesaleofthehouse.)ThejournalswerewrittenbymypaternalgrandmotherwhenshewaslivingwithherwidowedmominGloversville,N.Y.ItwasJuly1910.Shewas16,anonlychild.Thefirstentrybegins“DearestAnybody,”whichItookaspermissiontostartreading.EachofmygrandmothersdiedbeforeIwasborn.I'veseenafewausterephotographs,butIdon'tknowwhattheirvoicessoundedlikeorhowtheymovedthrougharoom.Myfamilyissmall,anditshistoryhasneverbeenpartofmyidentity.Icanprobablynamemoreex-membersofBlackFlagthanIcanReesancestors.Iassumedbeingdisconnectedfromthepastwasjustpartofthemoderncondition,aliberatingbyproductofcosmopolitanism.Well,themodernconditionisascam.Leafingthroughyourfamily'santiquemediamakeseverysubsequentmomentspentclickingthroughsocialmediafeellikesaccharineconnectivity,afeastofemptycalories.Weshouldsmashourcomputersandthrowourphonesintotheocean,thenopeneverycardboardboxineveryatticonearthandreadwhateverfallsout.ThesearethemosteuphoricbooksI'veeverread.Atfirst,Icouldhandleonlyafewpageseachnight—theexperiencewasjusttoointense,provokinginmeanecstatic,wonderingmelancholyandafamilialpridethatfeltbothintimateandalien.Mygrandmotherfinallycamerushingintomylifewithanadolescent,whoopingvitalitythatfeltasifithadbeenbuildingfortheentirecenturysinceherdiarieshadlastbeenopened.Iassumedthediarieswouldbedark,astringentandantiquated,butmygrandmotherhadmuchfun.Sherecordsthreeprimarypassions:eatingicecream(“...intheafternoonwehadice-cream.Ohdeliciousmemory!”);goingtochurch(“Theministerpreachedon‘cheerfulness,'anditwasawfullygood”);andsingingwithherfriends—thatis,whentheyweren'tlaidupwiththemumps,orthegrippe,oranyofthoseothermysteriousold-timeydiseases.Butmyteenagegrandmother'sgreatgeniuswasflirting.Thoseamazingboys!The“peachy,”“dandy,”“charming”boysofGloversville,anointedwithadjectivesnowreservedforYelpreviewsofbed-and-breakfasts.Icanbarelykeepupwithhercrushes,ortheirfluctuationsinstatus:“Butwhatdoyousuppose[Peggy]toldme?ThatBillwasmadatmebecausehethoughtIwasmadathimbecausehetalkedtoVelmaThorne!AndthereIdidn'tevenknowhe'dbeentalkingtoher!Wasn'titfunny...SoItold[Ralph]totell[Bill]Iwasn'tmadanditdidn'tbothermehowmuchhetalkedtoVelma!”ItturnsoutpoorBill,being“stout”andacigarette-bummer(“Ihatetoseeafellowsmokewhenhe'swithagirlonthestreet,don'tyou?”)wasnomatchforGrant.OrJonsey.Orthemysterious“Sunshine,”who,ifmygrandmotheristobebelieved,was,foronesummerin1911,themostalluringyoungmanintheuniverse:“onegrandrower,fisherandsportsman.ReallyIneversawanybodylikehim.Emma&Iarebothdippyoverhim!”Argumentswithadultsarereferredtobutneverdetailed.Shedoesn'tresenthermother'sdiscipline,evenwhenshegetsa“lovelyscolding”forfinishingsomeoneelse'sicecream.Incontrast,Iusedmyownteenagediaryasapetridishforcultivatingevermorepotentstrainsofbitterness,inpartthroughrecordingeveryinjusticeIs...