Americanvs.BritishEnglishIhadabilingualchildhood,inEnglishandCantonese,andabi-dialecticalone,inAmericanandBritishEnglish.Frankly,mybrotherandIdidn'treallynotice.BridgingthechasmbetweenChineseandEnglishtooksomucheffortthatmywehardlyrealizedwesaid"biscuit,""lift"and"zed"(orthehorribleChinese"e-zed")withourfamily--and"cookie,""elevator"and"zee"witheveryoneelse.ComparedtothehorrorsoflearningCantonese,wefoundthedifferencebetweentrashcan/bin,roommate/flatmatemereniceties.Ididn'tthinkaboutituntilafewyearsagowhenmymothercalledwithanannouncement."I'veaskedyourbrothertoswitchtousingmumwitha'u',"shedeclared."Notmomwithan'o'."Itturnsoutshehadsimplytolerated"mom"ourwholechildhoodaspartofherattempttofitin,inthesamewayshelearnedtocookhamburgersanddressherchildreninstrangecostumesforHalloween.Ithasbeen15yearssinceshe'sfriedabeefpatty,orconstructedawitch'shatoutofpapiermache,sotherewasnoneedtoholdontoheroldtitleeither.****AftertheU.S.,myparentsandbrothermovedtoAsia/Australia,andIwenttoMontreal,whichhasitsownlinguisticproblems.Herewasacitydividednotonracialorclasslines,butonAnglophone,FrancophoneandAllophoneones--aplacethattriedtoban"apostrophes"onpublicsigns,changingMario'sPizza,forexample,toPizzadeMario.InamovethatwasmoreFrenchthanFrance,Quebecinsistedonstopsignsthatdidnotsay"stop,"but"arret,"completewithcircumflex.Inanenvironmentlikethat,whocaredthat"mad"meant"angry"inoneplaceand"crazy"inanother?****IthenstartedworkinginHongKong.HKMagazinewasrunbyAmericans,soIused"color"and"that,"thoughtheoddBritwouldwriteinaskinguswhywespelledthingswrong.TheSouthChinaMorningPostwasBritish-styled,soIswitchedto"colour"and"which."IwasneverabigdealuntilIstartedattheInternationalHeraldTribune.IhavegreatrespectfortheIHTandthefactthatitisoneofthefewplacesthatcaresomuchabouttheminutiaeofstyle.Industrypeoplearen'tkiddingwhentheycallittheultimateeditors'paper.ButIhaveneverseen"Britishisms"soreviled.IHTeditorsspendmoretimethatyoucouldimaginediscussing,identifyingandextractingthem.Once,IaskedacolleaguetoreadanFTWeekendcolumnhemightlike."OnCookery?"hegasped."OnCookery?Ican'treadsomethingthatusestheword'cookery'."BeforeIwenttotheIHT,IwassureIknewthedifferencebetweenthetwo.ButthedefinitionofwhatisacceptablyAmerican,atleastaccordingtosomeofourmoreconservativestaff,issonarrowthatevenIcan'tfigureitout."I'mgoingtovisitmyfriendwhoisinhospital,"IwouldsayinmyAmericanaccent.Mycolleagueswouldgroan."God,thereyougoagain.YouandyourBritishthing.""What?what?"I'dgooverthesentenceagain;itwouldseemperfectlyneutral."AnAmericanwouldsay'I'mgoingtovisitafriendinTHEhospital."Samewith"cinema,"whichsomeAmericanssayistoohighfalutin',whenonecansay"movietheater."Or"cv,"asopposedto"resume.""Gonemissing"isanothertermIneverknewwastheprovidenceoftheBritishuntilItriedtouseitinaheadlineabouttheGolairlinesplanethat,youknow,wentmissingintheAmazonlastyear."StopusingBritishisms,"Iwastold.WhatwasIsupposedtosay?"Americansdon'tsay'gomissing'.Wesay'disappeared'."Iarguedthatthetwohaddifferentmeanings."Disappeared"seemedsofinal."Gonemissing"justmeantitwasmissingfornow.Knowinghowdeadlineswork,theplanewouldinevitablyshowuprightafterwesentthepapertopresssayingithaddisappeared.Mywholechildhood,Iswore,Isaidthingslike"Dad,haveyouseenmynewsweater?It'sgonemissing.Hastheneighbor'sdoggonemissingagain?Stupidhousekeyshavegonemissing."Ilookedupreferencesto"gonemissing"i...
