作文讲评•白•富•美ASSESSMENTS(评价标准)Structure框架结构Isthearticledividedintoparts?Content内容要点Areallthedetailsstated?Areallthedetailstothepoint(切题)?Language语言表达Doesthewriteruseanylinkingwords?Arethereanymistakes?表达错误Isthereanyadvancedvocabularyorsentencepatterns(高级词汇和句式)?作文要求：1.简要陈述这类现象2.这种现象产生的危害3.你认为如何解决这一问题近年来，一些食品公司为了谋取利润，不顾人们的身心健康，违法使用添加剂Structure：3paragraphsContentDetails:1.Phenomenon(谋取利润，不顾人们的身心健康，违法使用添加剂)3.Solutions2.Harmmakeprofits,regardlessof/ignore,usesth.illegally(twoormorepoints)ASSESSMENTS(评价标准)Structure框架结构Isthearticledividedintoparts?Content内容要点Areallthedetailsstated?Areallthedetailstothepoint(切题)?Language语言表达Doesthewriteruseanylinkingwords?Arethereanymistakes?表达错误Isthereanyadvancedvocabularyorsentencepatterns(高级词汇和句式)?Language：Properlinkingwords(恰当的连词)时间顺序first,second,then,finally,atlast,soon,immediately,suddenly……对称顺序foronething,fortheotherthing,ononehand,ontheotherhand……转折顺序but,yet,however,while,though,otherwise，inreality,instead,nevertheless,afterall…...因果顺序because,since,as,for,thanksto,owingto,dueto,asaresult,……条件顺序aslongas,onconditionthat,if,unless，onlyif……让步顺序though,as,evenif/though,whether,wh-(what,when,where,how)+ever…….递进顺序and,what’smore,besides,inaddition,furthermore,moreover,tomakethematterworse,what’sworse……过渡性插入语I’mafraid,youknow,Asweallknow,Asiswellknown,inaword,tosumup……Arethereanymistakes?1.Toachievegreatprofits,somecompaniesregardlessofpeople’shealth.2.Thisphenomonenleadtomoreandmorecompaniesuseharmfulthingsinthefood.3.Manycompaniesproducefoodusevarietiesofchemicalsinordertoincreasetheirprofitsregardlessofconsumers’health.4.Notonlythedeadlyfooddoesharmtopeople’sphysicalhealthbutalsobreaksthetrustbetweenconsumersandbusinessmen.5.Thegovernmentshouldstrengththeirpowerofmonitorthemarket.6.Somefoodcompaniesareinordertoearnmoreprofits,theyignoretheharmdotopeople’shealth.Advancedsentencepatterns:1.倒装句2.复合句（定语从句，名词性从句）3.强调句型4.It作形式主语，形式宾语的句型5.被动语态6.非谓语动词短语7.介词（如：with,on/upondoing…）8.固定句型（如，so…that…;Thereisnodoubtthat…）Clauses(从句)1)Tohissurprise,peopletendtoignorethetrafficrules.=________________________peopletendtoignorethetrafficrules.2)Hewasdelayedbytheheavytraffic,sohewaslatefortheparty.=____________hewaslatefortheparty_______hewasdelayedbytheheavytraffic.WhatsurpriseshimisthatThereasonwhywasthat主语从句定语&表语从句Non-predicateverbs(非谓语)1)Throwingrubbishatrandomcausedmanyproblems,andtheyhaveraisedmuchconcern.=Theproblems________________________________haveraisedmuchconcern.2)Astheproblemsweresolved,thequalityhasbeenimproved.=_________________,thequalityhasbeenimproved.causedbythrowingrubbishatrandomTheproblemssolved后置定语独立主格Inversion(倒装)1)Althoughwearetired,wearestillhappy.=_____________,wearestillhappy.2)Thepollutionwassoseriousthatpeopledarenotgoout.=__________________________peopledarenotgoout.3)Whenwerealizetheimportanceoftheenvironment,wewilltrytoprotectit.=_________________________________________.SoseriouswasthepollutionthatOnlywhenwerealizetheimportanceoftheenvironmentwillwetrytoprotectit.Tiredaswearen./adj./adv./v.+as/though+主谓So/Such…that位于句首，半倒Only+状语（从句）+半倒Emphaticsentence(强调句)1)Hedidn’trealizewhathadhappeneduntilhegotthenewsfromothers.=Itwasnotuntilhegotthenewsfromothersthatherealizedwhathadhappened.Itis/was…that…Example1:Inrecentyears,manycaseshavebeenreportedaboutfoodsafetyproblems.Somecompaniesdon’tcareaboutpeople’shealth.Theyusesomeadditivesinthefoodinordertogetmoreprofits.Thephenomenonresultsinmoreandmorecompaniesaddharmfulthingstothefood.Itwilldoharmtopeople’slife.Inmyopinion,thecompaniesshouldn’tputtheharmfulthingsinthefood.Peopleshouldnotbuythefoodwhichwithharmfuladdictives.Peoplealsoshouldreportitonthenewspaper,sothecompanieswillnotdothat.Example2:Inmyopinion,thegovernmentshouldstrengthenitsmonitorsystemstopreventtheillegallyrunfoodcompanies,meanwhile,itoughttopromotethesignificanceofhonesty.Forus,we’resupposedtoimproveourawarenessofself-protection.Tokeepushealthy,wehavetherightstodoubtwhetherthefoodtheyproduceishealthyornot.Ifnot,wecanreportittotheauthoritiesimmediately.•Homework:Rewriteyourcompositionandfurtherimproveitaccordingtotheassessmentform,tryingtomakeyourfinalcopyasneataspossible.
