初中英语笑话VIP免费

1.Oncetwohunterswenthuntingintheforest.Oneofthemsuddenlyfelldownbyaccident.Heshowedthewhitesofhiseyesandseemedtohaveceasedbreathing.Theotherhuntersoontookouthismobilephonetocalltheemergencycenterforhelp.Theoperatorsaidcalmly:"First,youshouldmakesurethatheisalreadydead."Thentheoperatorheardagunshotfromtheotherendofthephoneandnextheheardthehunterasking:"WhatshouldIdonext?"两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”2.LetmetakeitdownAnelephantsaidtoamouse,"nodoubtthatyouarethesmallestzndmostuselessthingthatIhaveeverseen.""Pless,sayitagain.Letmetakeitdown."themousesaid."IwilltellafleawhatIknow."为我所用一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。3.WateringFlowerInRainTom:Whydoyouhavethatwateringcan?Dan:I'mgoingtowatertheflowers.Tom:Butit'draining.Dan:That'sOK.I'mwear-ingmyraincoat.雨天浇花汤姆：你拿喷壶做什么？丹：我要去浇花。汤姆：可是，在下雨呀！丹：没关系，我穿着雨衣呢！4.TwobirlsTeacher:Herearetwobirds,oneisaswallow,theotherissparrow.Nowwhocantelluswhichiswhich?Student:IcannotpointoutbutIknowtheanswer.Teacher:Pleasetellus.Student:Theswallowisbesidethesparrowandthesparrowisbesidetheswallow.两只鸟老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。5、heFishNet"Canyoutellmewhatfishnetismade,Ann?""Alotoflittleholestiedtogetherwithstrings."repliedthelittlegirl.鱼网"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？"老师发问道。"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。"小女孩回答道。6、TheNewTeacherGeorgecomesfromschoolonthefirstofSeptember."George,howdidyoulikeyournewteacher?"askedhismother."Ididn\'tlikeher,Mother,becauseshesaidthatthreeandthreeweresixandthenshesaidthattwoandfourweresixtoo....."新老师9月1日，乔治放学回到家里。"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？"妈妈问。"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6,可后来又说2加4也得6。"7、AphysicsExaminationOnceinaphysicsexamination,Nickfinishedthefirstquestionverysoon,whilehisclassmateswerethinkingithard.Thequestionwas:Whenitthunderswhydoweseethelightingfirst,thenhearthethunderrolls?Nick\'sanswer:Becauseoureyesarebeforeears.一次物理考试在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。8.TooFastorTooSlowAmanwasdrivingat130milesanhourwhenapolicemanovertookhim."WasIdrivingtoofast,officer?"themanasked."NO,"thepolicemananswered,"Youwereflyingtooslow."太慢或太快一个男人正在以130英里每小时的速度行驶，当一个警察看见他时，他问：“我开的太快了吗？警官。”“不”，警察说，“你飞的太慢了。”9.GoodBoyLittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents."WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterday?""Igaveittoapooroldwoman,"heanswered."You'reagoodboy,"saidthemotherproudly."Herearetwocentsmore.Butwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwoman?""Sheistheonewhosellsthecandy."好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”“她是个卖糖果的。”10.NestandHairMysister,aprimaryschoolteach...