英文简历中不该出现的话

英文简历中不该出现的话 致命的大错 Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10. Qualifications: No education or experience. I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy. My compensation should be at least equal to my age. Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC. Fired because I fought for lower pay. Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 65 . Please disregard the enclosed resumeit is terribly out of date. Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near. Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately. 打字错误与语法错误 Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer. I am a rabid typist. Work History: Performed brain wave tests,18791981. After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work. Accounting cleric. As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments. Suspected to graduate earlynce analyzing investments. Suspected to graduate early next year. Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets. Proven ability to track down and correct erors. Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details. Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school. 不应有的幽默 Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all others to heat your house. Assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fastpaced setting. (Translation: Shortorder cook.) But wait...theres more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. My fortune cookie said, Your next interview will result in a joband I like your company in particular. Title: Another resume from the Profiles in Excellence series. Also Known As: Mr. Productivity, Mr. Clever, Mr.Fixit. Trustworthy references available upon requestif I give them a few bucks. Lets meet so you can ooh and ahh over my experience.