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ThePerfectSon.A:Ihavetheperfectson.B:Doeshesmoke?A:No,hedoesn't.B:Doeshedrinkwhiskey?A:No,hedoesn't.B:Doesheevercomehomelate?A:No,hedoesn't.B:Iguessyoureallydohavetheperfectson.Howoldishe?A:HewillbesixmonthsoldnextWednesday.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Girl:Youwouldbeagooddancerexceptfortwothings.Boy:Whatarethetwothings?Girl:Yourfeet.SubmittedbyBobWaldman--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Afamilyofmiceweresurprisedbyabigcat.FatherMousejumpedandandsaid,"Bow-wow!"Thecatranaway."Whatwasthat,Father?"askedBabyMouse."Well,son,that'swhyit'simportanttolearnasecondlanguage."SubmittedbyBHLEE--------------------------------------------------------------------------------MyfriendsaidheknewamanwithawoodenlegnamedSmith.SoIaskedhim"Whatwasthenameofhisotherleg?"(Trythisonewithyourstudentsthenexttimeyouareteachingalessonthatincludesthistypeofgrammer.)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Thedoctortothepatient:'Youareverysick'Thepatienttothedoctor:'CanIgetasecondopinion?'Thedoctoragain:'Yes,youareveryuglytoo...'Iusethisjokeforretellinginreportedspeech.Submittedby:AdrianaLuchetti--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Amangoestothedoctorandsays,"Doctor,whereverItouch,ithurts."Thedoctorasks,"Whatdoyoumean?"Themansays,"WhenItouchmyshoulder,itreallyhurts.IfItouchmyknee-OUCH!WhenItouchmyforehead,itreally,reallyhurts."Thedoctorsays,"Iknowwhat'swrongwithyou-you'vebrokenyourfinger!"SubmittedbySeanMcLoughlin--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Patient:Doctor,IhaveapaininmyeyewheneverIdrinktea.Doctor:Takethespoonoutofthemugbeforeyoudrink.Submittedby:IrenePellegrini--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Patient:Doctor!You'vegottohelpme!Nobodyeverlistenstome.NooneeverpaysanyattentiontowhatIhavetosay.Doctor:Nextplease!SubmittedbyMarcoMorales,Mexico--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Twoboyswerearguingwhentheteacherenteredtheroom.Theteachersays,"Whyareyouarguing?"Oneboyanswers,"Wefoundatendollorbillanddecidedtogiveittowhoevertellsthebiggestlie.""Youshouldbeashamedofyourselves,"saidtheteacher,"WhenIwasyourageIdidn'tevenknowwhataliewas."Theboysgavethetendollarstotheteacher.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Asnailwalksintoabarandthebarmantellshimthere'sastrictpolicyabouthavingsnailsinthebarandsokickshimout.Ayearlaterthesamesnailre-entersthebarandasksthebarman"Whatdidyoudothatfor?"SubmittedbySteve--------------------------------------------------------------------------------A:Justlookatthatyoungpersonwiththeshorthairandbluejeans.Isitaboyoragirl?B:It'sagirl.She'smydaughter.A:Oh,I'msorry,sir.Ididn'tknowthatyouwereherfather.B:I'mnot.I'mhermother.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Mother:"Didyouenjoyyourfirstdayatschool?"Girl:"Firstday?DoyoumeanIhavetogobacktomorrow?SubmittedbyMigueldePacoMoltó--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Headmaster:I'vehadcomplaintsaboutyou,Johnny,fromallyourteachers.Whathaveyoubeendoing?Johnny:Nothing,sir.Headmaster:Exactly.SubmittedbyMariadelPilarVilllegasMartinez--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher:"Nick,whatisthepastparticipleoftheverbtoring?"Nick:"Whatdoyouthinkitis,Sir?"Teacher:"Idon'tthink,IKNOW!"Nick:"Idon'tthinkIknoweither,Sir!"SubmittedbyBernadetteKelly--------------------------------------------------------------------------------A:Hey,man!Pleasecallmeataxi.B:Yes,sir.Youareataxi.SubmittedbyCláudiaAlmeida--------------------------------------------------------------------------------A:Whyareyoucrying?B:Theelephantisdead.A:Washeyourpet?B:No,butI'mtheonewhomustdighisgrave.SubmittedbyJoe,fromIndiana--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Ateenagegirlhadbeentalkingonthephoneforabouthalfanhour,andthenshehungup."Wow!,"saidherfather,"Thatwasshort.Youusuallytalkfortwohours.Whathappened?""Wrongnumber,"repliedthegirl.