2011年金华英语中考作文选(6)VIP免费

21We’llgraduatefromjuniorhighschoolsoon.Duringthesethreeyears,friendsareimportantinmyschoollife.Ihavebenefitedalotfromthem.Thatwasarainyday.Ididbadlyintheexam.Iwasreallysad.Atthattime,mybestfriendtookmetotheschoolgarden.“Lookattheflowers;theyarestillstandinguprightintherain.Andyoushouldn’tgiveup,either.Ithinkyouarethebest!”shesaidtome.Then,shegavemeabigsmile.Ifeltsowarm.Fromthenon,IknowthatfriendshipisacupofteawhenI’mthirsty;thatfriendshipisalightwhenI’mindark;andthatfriendshipisthefirewhenI’mcold.Icanneverforgetthewordsthatmyfriendsaidtomeandthesmilethatshegavetome.Forme,it’sanunforgettableexperience.点评：内容充实，作者运用了优美的句型和高级表达，是文章语言丰富多彩；有效地使用了语句和段落之间的连接成分，使全文机构紧凑，层次清晰，过渡自然。尤其是作者引用了IknowthatfriendshipisacupofteawhenI’mthirsty;thatfriendshipisalightwhenI’mindark;andthatfriendshipisthefirewhenI’mcold.这样的并列句，使文章增色不少；最后一段既总结了上文，又凸显了主题，可谓一箭双雕。从而使文章的主题得到了升华。真不愧是一片上乘之作。22Ourlifeinmiddleschoolwillcometoanendsoon.ButIwillneverforgetthetimewearesharedtogether.Infact,IwasnotgoodatEnglishtwoyearsago.ButmyclassmatestriedtheirnesttohelpmeimprovemyEnglish.AtthebeginningIwassotiredthatIwantedtogiveup.Butduetothehelpfrommyclassmates,Iwasfullofconfidenceagain.Theyalwaysencouragedmeandhelpedworkoutsomeproblems.Andoneyearlater,Ihaddonemuchbetterthanbefore.Ithinkit’ssokindofmyclassmatestohelpmeimprovemyEnglish.AndIwillneverforgetthetimeweworkedhardtogether.Inbrief,Iwillneverforgetmyclassmatesandournicememory.Everythingtheyhavedonehasleftadeepimpressiononme.点评：紧扣主题，结构紧凑，层次清晰，过渡自然。真真切切地战线了作者在同学们帮助下学习英语的画面，句型使用贴切自然，最后一句既总结了上文，又突出了主题。23Lastsummerholiday,Ispenttwodaysoffintravelingwithmyparents.WewenttoLuhetangbycar.Whenwegotthere,Icouldhardlybelievemyeyes.Inmysight,thewholeworldwasgreen.Therelayagreenlakeamongagreatnumberofmountainsandtheairwasfullofthesmellofsweetflowers.Ilostmyselfinitsbeauty.Weclimbeduptothetopofthemountainandtriedtogothroughthethinkforest.Itbecamedarkeranddarkerandwebecamemoreandmoreanxious----howcouldwefindaplacewherewecouldcampintheforest?Inearlycriedandmyfatherhadtomakemecalmdown.Fortunately,wefoundahillandsetupourtentsimmediately.Andnextmorning,wewentdownwiththesongsofcutebirdsandclearstream.Intotal,thisunforgettableexperiencewillbeinmyheartshininglikeastar.点评：结构完整，统帅连贯，文章过渡自然，衔接紧凑。第一段交代了自己难忘的经历是发生在跟父母两天旅游中；第二段优美地描述了作者所见的美景，作者用了agreatnumberof，loseofmyself等词组，可见作者的语言基本功扎实；第三段描写了作者眼看天色渐暗还没能找到宿营地的焦虑，如果能在搭好帐篷这句话的后面描述一下作者转忧为喜的心情，那就更好了；最后一段作者用一句总结句来强调这次难忘的经历，起到了点题的作用。语言错误修改：1、nextmorning应改为thenextmorning；2、intotal应改为inaword或inshort。24There’snodoubtthateveryonehasanunforgettableexperience.SodoI.myunforgettableexperiencehappenedinmyschool.Oneday,Ifailedinanimportantexam.Ifeltsadandlonely.Suddenly,mybestfriendDamingspearedinfrontofme.Hesaidtome,“Don’tbesad.Don’tyouknowanoldsaying‘Failureisthemotherofsuccess.’?”“ButIdidsobadlythistime.”“Don’tworry.Ifyoucontinueworkinghard,I’msuresuccesswillcometoyouoneday.”Afterhearingthat,Ibegantobelievemyself.Withhishelp,Isucceededinthefinalexam.NowIamnotafraidoffailure.It’shimwhocheeredmeup.It’salsohim,whomademeasuccessandlearntotreasureourfriendship.Thisexperiencemademelearntoworkhardandtreasurefriendship.Iwillneverforgetthisexperience.点评：用词灵活、生动。写作手法上，事与情交融，情与事互应，紧紧扣住了读者的心弦，产生共鸣。用There’snodoubtthat句型来开第一段，很好。作者在第二段把自己在考试中失利时的情景以及好朋友的鼓励和帮助下，最终在期末考试中获胜等自然地融合在一起。在感谢朋友的同时，作者更是体会到了努力和友谊的重要项目。语言错误修改：1、believe改为believein；2、Itwashim应改为Itwashe