搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》演员表：西门吹雪叶孤城花满楼king旁白道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠旁白：Aquietvillageiscoveredwithwhitesnow.Birdsaredancinginthecold.Amaniswalkingalongthestreet,stepbystep.Windiscominginsilence.Anothermysteriousmanapproaches.Y与X相遇．X：Oh,Iamsorrytoknockyou!Y:Haha,Nevermindbaybay.X:Excuseme，whoareyouonearth?couldyoutellmeyourname?Y:Haha,Iwon’tchangemyname!nomatterwhathappens.I’mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng.Whoareyou?X:IamXimenchuixue.Y惊讶:Ar,ximenchuixue?X:Yes,whatiswrong?Y:IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?X:Great,youknowme!Y抱腿：Please,please……Don’tkillme!letmeyougo!X:No,Imustkillyou!Y:Idon'twanttobekilled.Thereareaneighty-year-oldmotherandathree-yearoldsontobelookedafterbyme!X:Noway!Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don'tforceme!X:Pardon!(Y拿出一袋牛奶)X抢过牛奶:milk,verygood!Ilikedrinkingit.howdoyouknowthat?Y:Pleasedrinkit!X喝完牛奶:Thanks,ha,haY:Doyoustillwanttokillme?X:Sure,must!milkismilk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood!Verygood!Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?X:I’msureIwon’t!Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon'tbeatyouthistime,you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach!Y大笑：HaHa……X可怜状:help!help!Whereisthewashroom?Y:What?X:Toliet?Y:What?X:The“WC”?Y:Oh,Isee,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!X:Thanks,byebye.Y掏出纸屑吹:Thisisgenuinesnow!H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!Y:Whoareyou?H:Hua---man----lou!Haveyouseenximenchuixue?Y:Yes,hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC”now,ha……H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!Y:Youareright!H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor!Doyouwantjoininus?Y:Yes,It’sverygood.H:Ok,followme,Let’sgotoseemyking!Y:Ok,Let’sgo!第二幕：无间道H:Mydearest!letmeintroduceYeguchengtoyou!（指Y）thisisYegucheng.K:sitdownplese,yegucheng.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng!Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascoldheadache,sairandaids?Y:Yes,Ido.K:Huamanlou,come.puttheringonhisfinger!（音乐停）X唱着上:Onlyyou……(看到戒子)thisringshouldbemine!K:Butwhoareyou?Whyshoulditbelongyou?Y急切:king!Dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi(维语再见)K:huoxi?Whatdoesthatmean?ItisnotEnglish,isn’tit?Y:Howclever……X冷酷:yegucheng!Comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!Y抱X的腿:oldbrother!Forgiveme!X:Forgiveme?Why?Y:Oncetherewasachancebeforeme,Ilostit.Ifthegodgivemeanotherchance,I’lltellyou,Iloveyou,Iftheremustbealimitedperiod,Ihopeitisthousandyear!X:Youshallcheatme!allyoudidarewrong!howcanyoutellthelady’s“WC”!Y:Ilikegoinglady’sWC.I.I..IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)X:m-i-l-k?haha,ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)K:ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning?WhyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?X:Youarestupid!Itmeans“Iloveyou”.K:Don’tsaythatyouloveme.I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!X:What?(侧耳装着听不到)You---kill----me?come,come…(Ｘ抓住K)K:Fuckyou.Imustkillyou!X:Howcanyoukillme?haha……Y:Letmehaveatry!3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)K:thankyouverymuch,yousaveme.Now,I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyouhaveavacation.Y:That’sgood.Butthereisonemorething.CanyougivemeaMM?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme!Hahaha……Y:Hahaha-----H:Where’ssomewhere?K:What?Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s“WC”?X:Yes,I……I……do.H顶着摇头：X,no,no，youcan’tgotoLady’s“WC”.Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangoint...
