JOKE1Wifetalkingtoherhusband(whoreadsnewspaperallday):IwishIwereanewspapersoI'llbeinyourhandsallday.Husband:Iwishthattoo,soIcouldchangeyoudailyJOKE2Alittleboyaskedhisfather:Daddy,howmuchdoesitcosttogetmarried?Thefatherreplied:Idon'tknowson.I'mstillpaying!!JOKE3Atmidnightfathersawthathismarriedsonleavinghome...Heaskshim:whatareyoudoing?Thesonreplied:DadIamfedupwithmylife!Mynewlymarriageisnotgoingwell,mywifeandmymomkeepfightingwitheachother!Ihavetopaybillsformyin-laws,andIhatethislife!!!Iwanttogofarfromhere,Iwanttotasteeveryjoyoflife,andIwanttohaveeveryfunoflife!!!Fathersaid:Wait!!!!!!!!IamcomingwithyouJOKE4AwomangoestoEnglandtoattenda2-weekcompanytrainingsession.Herhusbanddriveshertotheairportandwisheshertohaveagoodtrip.Thewifeanswered:Thankyouhoney,whatwouldyoulikemetobringforyou?Thehusbandlaughedandsaid:AnEnglishgirl!!!Thewomankeptquietandleft.Twoweekslaterhepickedherupintheairportandasked:Sohoney,howwasthetrip?Thewife:Verygood,thankyou.Thehusband:And,whathappenedtomypresent?Thewife:Whichpresent?Thehusband:WhatIaskedfor:theEnglishgirl?Thewife:Oh,that!Well,IdidwhatIcould;nowwehavetowaitafewmonthstoseeifit’sagirl!!!JOKE5Acouplegoestoanartgallery.Theyfindapictureofanakedwomanwithonlyherprivatescoveredwithleaves.Thewifedoesn'tlikeitandmoveson,butthehusbandkeepslooking.Thewifeasks,"Whatareyouwaitingfor?"Thehusbandreplies,"autumn."JOKE6Amanissittingreadinghisnewspaperwhenthewifesneaksupbehindhimandwhacks(打)himontheheadwithafryingpan."Whatthehellwasthatfor?"heasks."ThatwasforthepieceofpaperinyourtrouserpocketswiththenameMaryEllenwrittenonit,"shereplies.Don'tbesilly,"hesays."TwoweeksagowhenIwenttotheraces(赛马),MaryEllenwasthenameofoneofthehorsesIbeton."Sheseemssatisfiedatthis,andsheapologizes.Threedayslaterhe'sagainsittinginhischairreadingwhenshenails(打，俚语)himwithanevenbiggerfryingpan,knockinghimoutcold.Whenhecomesaround,heasksagain,"Whatthehellwasthatfor?""Your****inghorsejustphoned."JOKE7Wifetohusband:youweresodrunklastnightthatyouinsultedyourboss.Husband:pissonhim!Wife:youdidandhefiredyou!Husband:****him!Wife:Ididandyoucangobacktoworktomorrow.JOKE8Acoupledroveseveralmilesdownacountryroadwithintensesilence.Notawordwassaidtoeachother.Anearlierdiscussionhadledtoanargumentandneitherwantedtoconcedehisposition.Astheypassedabarnyardofmules(骡子)andpigs,thewifesarcasticallyasked,"Relativesofyours?""Yep,"thehusbandreplied,"in-laws".
